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Continuing Education in Your Love Life
When we first start falling in love with someone, whether we realize it or not, we become a student of that person. You try to learn as much as you can about that person, you memorize the way they look, smell, talk, and act. Becoming an expert on that certain someone becomes a priority and its intoxicatingly fun. At some point you start to feel like you know that person like the back of your hand. You know all there is to know and its a comfortable place to be. As soon as we stop becoming a student of our relationships that is when the trap is set.
We are quick to admit that we are not the person we were yesterday and we will inevitably be different tomorrow but we expect everyone around us to stay the same. Our tastes change, we grow, we learn and continue to evolve into a new self. So why is it so hard to think that the person we met oh so many years ago wouldn’t be the same?
Here is where I admit that I have continued to be student of the human condition but haven’t been a diligent student of my husband. I have a thousand excuses why this is; work, children, responsibilities, life, etc but it all boils down to the fact that I just thought I knew everything about him already. Stupid and arrogant on my part (I know) but I’m being honest here.
If you are like me and if you are ready to begin your continuing education but have forgotten how to be a student of your relationship here are a few pointers that helped me re-learn how to be a student of my love.
- Start asking questions. Find a quiet moment when you are both relaxed and ask the kind of things you would have asked in the beginning of your relationship. Keeping the questions lite and fun will make the process more enjoyable for both of you. ie What were you like as a kid? Who was your best friend? What kind of trouble did you get into? Who was your first kiss? **This isn’t a game of jeopardy so don’t get carried away with asking questions. The purpose to get reacquainted, to remember what attracted you to this person in the first place and have a conversation about each other, with each other.
- Try this worksheet http://static.oprah.com/pdf/lybl_sexlife_foreplaymap.pdf. I’ll be honest, I found this a bit embarrassing and there was a lot of laughter involved however if you are interested in working toward your masters degree with your love this is a great way to continue your education. This worksheet and instructions provided by Dr. Laura Berman is very well done and if you are willing to let your inhibitions down it can make a huge difference in your love life.
I definitely find this topic a little out of my comfort zone but after talking with several of my close friends I felt compelled to share. I don’t mind having my failures be a source of your education. I guess its just my way of contributing and sharing the love.
Poop! Its just recycled food
As a parent I’m sure you don’t think much of it at the time but for an outsider listening in I’m sure it sounds like poop is a major daily conversation. Poop is what makes the world go round during those first few years of your kid’s life. The conversation starts out like: “did the baby poop?” “How many times?”, “Color?”, “Consistency?”, “When was the last time the baby pooped?”, “It is your turn to change the poopy” , and my favorite “Yah, you went poopy on the potty!”. Part of the necessity to talk about the poop is because you can really learn a lot about the health of your child based on details of the poo. Still, when you think about the evolution of your relationship with your spouse did you ever think when you were dating that you would be having daily conversations about bowel movements?
I realize that this poop topic is primarily a phenomenon primarily experienced by parents which is why I understand why my girlfriend Brooke used to call me periodically to hear about the latest poop story. She found my day to day life as a mom rather entertaining and especially the poo stories. (I doubt she finds poop nearly as funny now that she has a 5 month old.) I remember telling her once about my daughter and how every time I would lay her in a nice warm bath suddenly she would be surrounded by several little poop land mines. Brooke would laugh hysterically at this and proceed to tell her husband. I could hear her husband gagging and dry heaving in the background, apparently just the thought of this was enough to gross him out. Brooke then asked me “how does this not gross you out?” I told her “I don’t really think about it. I get in there, clean it up and everyone is happier for it. Poop is just recycled food.”
It’s a privilege to join the ranks of mom and dad and maybe one of those perks is the ability to talk about poop without snickers and judgment. I only wish that as part of the enlistment process someone would hand out our poop protection shields and the all important poop decoder ring.