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A Determined Crib Midget
If what they say is true, “What goes around comes around,” I must have been one hell of an ass. After my first baby was born, my husband and I thanked God for such a sweet, well tempered little soul. He is a pleaser. From the day he was born, our ‘problems’ with him have been minimal. No major hiccups once the jaundice passed, his infancy and first year were cake, pure vanilla, nicely frosted cake. . . That being said, we were unprepared for who and what was to come next. . .
Seventeen blissful months later our daughter Stella was born. She emerged from the womb screaming and wreathing around. From the first moment she had everyone scrambling to comply with her frantic demands. Maybe it was our fault, we had named her too strongly and she was simply trying to live up to the title, or maybe it was karma having a laugh at our expense. Either way, the curve ball hit us right square in the face. What was wrong with this child? Why did she cry constantly? Why didn’t she just lay there on the blanket and coo and blab like her brother? Why wouldn’t she just take the pacifier instead of constantly wanting to use me as one?! And why dear God, why did she scream so much when we tried to ‘make’ her take a bottle? Key word there… ‘make.’ We learned early on there was no making Stella do anything, at least not until a little later on when we could put a little fear of God into her. No, at this point in her infancy it seemed as though she held the cards and all we could do is try to play our best game.
The key issue was her eating. She was always happy to nurse. She nursed eagerly and constantly it seemed, but never would she take a bottle. She refused. We took every bit of advice from doctors, family and friends to no avail. I would leave the house, in case she could sense I was there, or smell me. Still she would wait. She would wait for hours, making herself and any willing victim who agreed to give it a try for me completely miserable. She would wait for me to walk in the door and to the couch I went. Shirt up and nipple out before I had a chance to set down my keys. We tried different nipples, different bottles, different formula, formula with apple juice, warm breast milk, cold breast milk, breast milk with ice, everything….she accepted none of it. My doctor told me she’d never seen a crib midget with such a strong willpower. Not something I was glad to hear.
After ten months of being her walking Dairy Queen I had had it. I needed a break. Something longer than four hours. Time with my husband, time to breathe. So again, I talked with my pediatrician about it. She and I were out of ideas…all but one. Leave she said. Find a willing victim, leave her with them, and leave for a few days. Surely, she will cave. She will have to…she has no rare anti-bottle disease. She’s not allergic to plastic, has no strange aversion to rubber. There was no real reason for refusing it other than she knew mama was there and soon she would be satisfied. And so, reluctantly but with a huge sigh of relief, my husband and I left her with my saint of a mother in law and we went. I packed her every bottle, nipple, cup, formula, and frozen breast milk I had and we said goodbye.
I’d love to say that Stella, realizing that she’d been beat at her own game, finally gave in. Her jugs were gone, and she’d have to settle for the next best thing. Surely she couldn’t starve herself for two days… Again we underestimated the sheer willpower and determination that could be contained in twelve pounds seven ounces. For three days and two nights she survived on Saltines and yogurt. Everything else she refused. Aside from a few meager sips of breast milk from a cup, she refused liquids.
The leave taught me several valuable lessons, including: Two children poured from the same genetic mold may yield two completely different vessels. No child is the same, therefore advice is just that, ‘advice’, it’s not a for sure. If someone seems to know it all about children, they probably only have one child. All you can do is try, try, and try some more. It may never work, but at least you know you’ve done all that you could.
When I returned from that trip, (which on a side note, my husband and I thoroughly enjoyed because my mother in law concealed much of what was going on so that we ‘wouldn’t worry’ God bless her…) I felt like a horrible, selfish, unworthy wretch of a mother. How could I leave my child to starve? Why hadn’t I just put up with it until she decided it was time to move on from the boob? Hindsight is 20/20 I guess and to be completely honest, I’d probably do it again. We couldn’t have known she’d be so stubborn. Best of all, the trip had served to deplete my milk supply and increase her demand, the plan had worked beautifuly. Such fun, such fun. And the call to the lactation specialist to explain what we’d done and beg for help only served to more deeply entrench the feelings of inadequacy and stupidity that I’d already been feeling. She’d have had me nurse until Stella graduated kindergarten if she so pleased.
I tried to find a happy medium…Tried to take all of the tokens of advice I’d been receiving and make some sense out of them. And in the end, as I should have known from the get go, it was Stella who made the final call. Somewhere around twelve months she began to lose interest in the troughs hanging from my torso and began to take a sippy cup. All of our prodding and urging, trying and pushing was to no avail, she had her time and she took it, up until that final suckle.
Thank you for reading. Hopefully someone, somewhere will be able to gain something from this rambling story, somehow relate to this tragic tale. Or maybe all it will serve is a small laugh and a feeling of pity for a mother trying to do her best while knowing absolutely nothing.
5 Tips to Relieve Baby’s Gas
Gas
Baby will initially have some gas. It will take some time for baby to get used to eating breast milk or formula. You may want to consider laying off spicy food and excessive amounts of chocolate/coffee (anything with caffeine) until baby’s digestive system acclimates.
Here are a few suggestions that may help relieve gas pain for your baby.
- Simethicone – active ingredient like the name brand “mylicon ”. This is almost the miracle cure.
- Lay baby on tummy. Pressure on the tummy helps relieves gas pressure.
- Tummy massage. Massage tummy using lotion in a circle “C” motion. Create the “c” shape around the belly button. This follows the digestive track and helps push the gas and poopy out.
- Patting the bottom. Put baby over your shoulder and pat baby on the bottom in rhythmic time.
- Food culprits. If baby is having a lot of gas you may want to investigate any new food they are eating or if you are breast feeding you may want to cut back on any food that could be causing excess gas. Occasionally diary products can cause gas discomfort so you may need to cut down on eating diary if you are breast feeding
How to Sooth a Baby with Colic
This seems to be a generic term that doctors give to babies that cry uncontrollably for certain periods of time. My kids seemed to pick the evening time to do this however Eve seemed to cry all the time. This can drive a person crazy!
First and foremost, If baby is fed, changed, rested and in good health and still is fussy it’s ok to let them cry. Crying may make you crazy but it doesn’t hurt the baby. If you need to, step outside for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths and know that this to will pass.
- Try rocking the baby.
- Holding the baby
- Swaddling
- Baby swing
- Take baby for a walk in a stroller. For some reason baby crying doesn’t sound nearly as loud when you are outside. At the very least you get some exercise and you both get some fresh air.
- Turn on white noise or soothing music. We kept a humidifier in the room which provided nice white noise. Also, we had a couple of CD with very calming music that seemed to provide some relief.
- Take a car ride.
- See the “Gas” topic for other suggestions
- There are a few homeopathic remedies out there that are worth a try. One suggestion that I read was a teaspoon of brewed chamomile tea
Post-partum a Brief Visit to “Crazy Town”
This is a tough few months after you have baby. You are exhausted, your body is trying to recover from being torn end from end, your boobs hurt and are leaking, your emotions are taking a roller coaster, your body looks like a bomb went off, you currently have porn-star boobs on loan and no matter how sensitive your husband is they won’t be able to make things better. I spent these months medicating with cookies. My “me” time was spent strolling the aisle of the grocery store so much like during my pregnancy food was becoming a good friend. I would attempt to eat a dozen cookies on the 3 mile trip back home from the grocery store. I think I thought if there wasn’t any evidence of the cookies then the cookies never happened. Needless to say I gained weighted after I gave birth. I didn’t recognize how bad I felt but in hindsight I was having a brief visit to crazy town.
- You will cry for no reason for a few months. Don’t be afraid to tell someone. Take the medication if offered.
- Drink lots of water, eat healthy food, and sleep whenever you get a chance.
- If someone offers to help use them. Dinners, Laundry, Cleaning, Walking the dog, ect
- Try to get out every day. Take a walk and get some fresh air.
- Buy yourself some post-partum cloths. Yes, its depressing to be shopping for big girls cloths that aren’t maternity but you will feel better being out of maternity cloths and your husband will appreciate you not raiding his closet. I have a story about this but will share later.