Subscribe to RSSContinuing Education in Your Love Life
When we first start falling in love with someone, whether we realize it or not, we become a student of that person. You try to learn as much as you can about that person, you memorize the way they look, smell, talk, and act. Becoming an expert on that certain someone becomes a priority and its intoxicatingly fun. At some point you start to feel like you know that person like the back of your hand. You know all there is to know and its a comfortable place to be. As soon as we stop becoming a student of our relationships that is when the trap is set.
We are quick to admit that we are not the person we were yesterday and we will inevitably be different tomorrow but we expect everyone around us to stay the same. Our tastes change, we grow, we learn and continue to evolve into a new self. So why is it so hard to think that the person we met oh so many years ago wouldn’t be the same?
Here is where I admit that I have continued to be student of the human condition but haven’t been a diligent student of my husband. I have a thousand excuses why this is; work, children, responsibilities, life, etc but it all boils down to the fact that I just thought I knew everything about him already. Stupid and arrogant on my part (I know) but I’m being honest here.
If you are like me and if you are ready to begin your continuing education but have forgotten how to be a student of your relationship here are a few pointers that helped me re-learn how to be a student of my love.
- Start asking questions. Find a quiet moment when you are both relaxed and ask the kind of things you would have asked in the beginning of your relationship. Keeping the questions lite and fun will make the process more enjoyable for both of you. ie What were you like as a kid? Who was your best friend? What kind of trouble did you get into? Who was your first kiss? **This isn’t a game of jeopardy so don’t get carried away with asking questions. The purpose to get reacquainted, to remember what attracted you to this person in the first place and have a conversation about each other, with each other.
- Try this worksheet http://static.oprah.com/pdf/lybl_sexlife_foreplaymap.pdf. I’ll be honest, I found this a bit embarrassing and there was a lot of laughter involved however if you are interested in working toward your masters degree with your love this is a great way to continue your education. This worksheet and instructions provided by Dr. Laura Berman is very well done and if you are willing to let your inhibitions down it can make a huge difference in your love life.
I definitely find this topic a little out of my comfort zone but after talking with several of my close friends I felt compelled to share. I don’t mind having my failures be a source of your education. I guess its just my way of contributing and sharing the love.